Dailies Contact Lenses

Immigrant wife could be a scammer?

I married a lady in Nigeria. I pretty much paid for all her papers to become a citizen. It was so difficult to get the money to pay for everything. I'm by no means rich or well off, but I do work and do well for myself. I thought that I would find someone to be my emotional support when she came along. We agreed that would be her primary role when we marry. So many sweet things were said and I thoroughly explained my financial situation to her. I felt that nothing should be a mystery to her when she comes to live with me here in the US. Well things quickly went askew. She arrived and it was not long till I started to see signs of disinterest in me. She said she would be affectionate, but she wouldn't touch me much anymore when she arrived. Mind you that I went to Nigeria for a week, so she knows me. She was all over me over there. Months had passed and she showed no signs of wanting to be affectionate. She claims that it is her culture not to be affectionate. Wow! Is she bold or what? She is an undercover flirt. I have trouble with strangers trying to hit on her when we go certain places. She denies it of course. I try to explain how no to allow men to disrespect me by telling them that she is married. She quickly says that I am accusing her of being a prostitute. My problem is that she is pregnant. She is really showing interest in other people. She believes that she is set. I want to divorce her on grounds of sexual immorality. She has clearly married me and is having my baby to become a citizen of the US. She has broken every promise she made to me. She truly doesn't care for me. Can I wipe her out of my life? Can I divorce her? What can I do about getting the baby? Is it her baby to keep? Also she has made connections with her Nigerian people here and she probably will try to come back to the US through them. Is this likely? She hasn't even been here for a year. It is Thanksgiving and she arrived in Feb. She is using the church to do all these things. The fact that she seemed to be a legitimate Christian is the only reason I married her. I thought I would be safe from a scam. Another thing I didn't mentions is that she was trying to get people to believe that I was going to beat earlier this year. When she realized that that wasn’t working against me she stopped saying it. Well, I haven’t heard about it. Now she says that I want her to be my slave. If I don’t have money to do certain things like pay for every need she has daily doesn’t say that I am treating her like a slave. She was saying these things 2 months after she got here. Damn, I am so tired of explaining the multitude of issue I go through with her. I need advice.

Public Comments

1. HOLY CRAP!! why not just find a real wife that you actually know?
2. I'm no expert here, but I feel bad for the situation you're in. She is obviously up to something, and it is possible she used you to get into the United States and allowed herself to become pregnant so that in the case she is unable to keep her citizenship otherwise, her child will enable her to say. The way she acts isn't right, and so long as there wasn't anything else left out of the story.. she could very well be just using you. As far as I know (at least here in the US) it is legal to divorce her under any grounds you deem worthy. As to what would happen to her should you divorce her, I am unsure. I would suggest contacting a lawyer about this or a marital court to see what they would suggest. Try being reasonable as well, don't walk into a marital court or up to a lawyer telling them you want her out of your life and to get rid of her... it could bring up foul tints for you. Instead, explain the situation and ensure they know that you just don't want to be used.. or stuck in an unhappy and ill-giving marriage that is essentially... a fraud.
3. This happens frequently when citizens choose to import their spouse. Are you even certain the child is yours? Send her packing asap!
4. Hire a lawyer and file for a divorce. You may even be able to file for an annulment on the grounds of fraud. As for the baby, once she has it, she is basically a permanent resident of the United States. She did what she had to do to get here and stay. Now she probably has dual citizenship in the US and in Nigeria. If she wants, she can do the same for your baby and take it there anytime she feels like. Once your baby is in Nigeria, forget about getting it back. The authorities there do not care about American custodial issues. Many people fall for the same scam. People from these regions only want to come to America. They think that everyone here is rich and compared to them, we are. A lot of times, they form packs and get the women to prostitute themselves to middle-aged American men that appear lonely and desperately want companionship. She probably has a boyfriend in Nigeria that agreed to let her marry you and have a child by you so that eventually he can get in the US also. When you get a lawyer, also request for a paternity test. Also, take all of this information to your church leader, i.e. the preacher or the deacons, and tell them that you think this lady is trying to scam them also so that the church will grant sanctuary to her relatives when they come here. I do not know of too many churches that would be willing to look past adultery and a fraudulent marriage. They may kick her out of the church altogether. Because we live in America and enjoy the life we lead, it also puts at a disadvantage for scams in third-world regions. My advice to you would once you have gotten away from this woman, try looking in your community for someone to fill that void. Don't let this experience turn you away from finding someone special.