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how would you toughen up your first grader to face the real world?

here's the scenario: your son has been coming home crying for 2 weeks straight. he says someone has been bullying him and he begs you to talk to his teacher so it would stop. you do that. a couple of times. and each time, the teacher tells you, no bullying has been going on in school. just the usual kids-will-be-kids teasing. nothing to worry about. but your son continues to be miserable and begs you to move him to a different, "nicer" school on a daily basis. so you decide to go straight to the school principal. she talks to your son's teacher. and finally, her advice to you is this: let your boy handle his own problems. the school is really big on independence. so now, you're just sitting in the sidelines. all you do is pep talk your worried, teary-eyed boy before school. what else would you do? to tell you honestly, i'm a wreck about this and i'm just trying to be calm while writing this. i'm really a charge-like-a-bull mom. and i've had many arguments with the school whenever my son comes home upset. but this comes off to the principal as me babying my 7-year old boy. and so she wants me to let him stand on his own two feet. i really, really want to do something. i'm not used to being passive specially when it concerns my kids. but i also understand that independence is important. i'm at a loss, that's why i'm asking for your help.

Public Comments

1. Ask him who the bully is. Get his name and find out who the parents are. Get together with the parents and get the kids together so you can observe. Invite them to the house and make a point to try and be friends. Reach out to them and assume that they are OK. Start there. Decide for yourself what is going on after you observe the behavior. Talk it over with the parents. Best outcome is to get them to be friends.
2. Something has to change. He is a 6 year old CHILD and should not be afraid to go to school. If it were me I would homeschool him. I like the first guy's suggestion. You have to do something. It isn't okay for him to have to go to school feeling this way every day.
3. First of all I would report the principal to the acedemic board. As a principal he/she is doing a really bad job, this is the way a principal hould be saying!So what if u r babying ur son, he needs to be protected, bullying is the worst type of thing that can happen to a person i would know. first of all find out about who the bully is and tell his parents, talk to them and then work from there, but before that REPORT THE PRINCIPAL OR FILE A LAWSUIT. WHAT HE/SHE IS DOING IS CHILD NEGLECTION AND SHOULD BE ADDRESSED IMMEDIATELY. Tell your son that I am with him in spirit, and that no matter what the cause he can make it through. And that he is not alone.
4. there will be teasing now and again.. but 'bullying' cannot be tolerated. INSIST that they talk to the bully - and his parents. Your child should not have to be this upset at school especially when he's asking for help. At the same time, teach your son to stand up for himself - do role play, enroll him in karate - give him the skills and self confidence so this doesn't become a pattern. good luck.
5. I would most definitely go to the school board/ district. You already went up the chain of command and haven't gotten any help. Your son deserves to go to a place where he feels safe and is happy to go to. Name calling and teasing are bullying and should be unacceptable. As a parent it is your responsibility to protect him at any age. Alot of schools these days have strong NO bullying policies. It should be more important to your principal.
6. I know the feeling and it's one of the reasons I homeschool my son, though not the main reason. Some kids are bully magnets and I don't know why but it ticks me off. My best suggestion is to get him into a karate class so that he can know that he can whoop any kid's butt if he really wants to, but he'll also learn in karate NOT to whoop kids' butts unless he's doing it in self defense. It will build confidence and make him feel safer. Also, I think your principal and teacher are idiots. Just my two sense. Go to the school board or the superindentent of the school district. See if they're just as dumb, and if they are, go to the newspaper and suggest they do a story on bullying in the local district.
7. It sounds like the school is too afraid to do their damn job. Find one that will. I'm all for kids learning their way in the world, but the kid's only 7, for goodness sake. Sometimes a 7-year-old needs help from an adult - that's what we're here for!
8. Is your son and only child? If so, it could be that he doesn't understand how other children play or interact. At 6 children are just learning social norms and peer pressure is a new thing. I agree to an extent with the school in that your child needs to learn how to interact with all sorts of children. Taking your son to another school won't make the social problem go away. Talk to your son about specifically what is happening, get as many details as you can and then help him understand what might be going on in the other child's mind when they exhibit this kind of behavior. Sometimes it helps to roll play and have your son be the other child and you be him. Perhaps the other child(ren) are trying to engage your son in a way that your son doesn't understand. Not everything is bullying.
9. Being a teacher myself, if the principal and teacher are behaving this way, take yourself straight to the superintendent. She or he is the "big cheese"....so that's really the highest you can go within a district. You have every right to involve this bully's parents as well...so let the superintendent know that you'd like a meeting with this boy's parents. Believe me when I say you have more rights than you know. If the superintendent also encourages this "independence" in first grade, you can seek a higher authority...meaning the State Education Department. No school district wants to be reported, so I'm sure you'll see results in just speaking with the school's superintendent. I'd also spend a day in your son's class if possible. The teacher cannot and should not refuse that. It's your right. I mean it when I say parents have all the say....you just have to use your voice!! Good luck to you!!