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How do I go about this life of mine?

Hello, how are you doing today? hope you are fine. I will like to share this with you, my spiritual life. I kind of having problem understanding myself in that aspect I am sorry If I make any mistake below in spellings, please try to understand. All my life I have lived with parent that don't go to church, yes they are my biological parent but they don't go to church and not close to God They go to church once in a while which I did not see that as a normal Christian life, they believe in the spiritual Ream which that has been %90 of their lives and this has affected me also. I hardly go to church and if I do, I sleep when the message is going on, I believe in the Spiritual Ream too but I know there is God. Sometimes I think if I was close to God right from my child hood my life wouldn't have been complicated this much the way I see it now, I still believe that I can make things right in my life by going close to God and constant prayer just as a good Christian daily life but ? Anytime I try doing that I keep having this set back, one of it is my mum ... because I still stay with her and she's not encouraging. Anytime she notice I have been attending church like 7 times in two months, she will start making fun of me like telling me my mate are in their own apartment, doing well and I'm here just wasting my time saying I'm going to church or maybe she will just bring up something like - I found a place where a strong spiritual man is and my introducer told me the man is powerful and if we go there we will get some answers to our problems. So I am getting more confused with my life by the day, life has been turning me round and round. I don't go to college, I don't have money and I am not a good Christian then what is life for me. I believe that's why I don't have a girl friend, I don't go along with women and men very well in Nigeria and here in Ghana that I am recently and I don't even relate to people that good, I mean I hardly make friends. One thing again is that I don't like Nigerian/Ghanaian girls; I say if I will like to get a girl friend, she must be from outside Africa. Though I love the beautiful things of life, live life to the fullest, I love dancing, I'm crazy for dance, going to clubs, having fun generally but don't smoke, don't take drugs and only drink occasionally. I don't have the source of living that kind of life but I still try to get some I do all this alone, no girls or friends. I say to my self if I can get someone to take me out of this country for good... I mean my country, I will really love it, though that's my dream - if I have just one wish' it will be going out of the country, any white country, live and work there and I know I can work that out my self but the life is so confusing for me and makes me cry every time I remember about my life... there was a time I try to kill myself. I can go on and on, please reply and tell me if you are comfortable with this story of my or not because I wouldn't want to bother anyone with my crazy story. Love to hear from you. Kelvin Jackson.

Public Comments

1. you are expressing how you feel and no one can judge you for that. i have learnt from previous experience that you have problems in every country. i escaped my country to find happiness at the other side of the world, and i realised i was just as lonely. try and meet people in your local church and local activities such as sports, they will have common interests with you and wont judge you for going to church. ignore the people that judge you and tease you, they are not worthy of your friendship.
2. Keep going to church and read the bible. People will always let you down. God won't. The people who tease you don't understand God's love. God is calling you to be one of his children so follow him and all will be well. Love God with all your heart.