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Somebody please help me, I think Im going insane.?

Throughout my 16 year lifespan, I have never once felt normal, but as I progress through adolescence I am beginning to feel as though the fringes of insanity are edging closer and closer...and closer. My social skills are ebbing away, my sense of humor is ebbing away, my sense of self is ebbing away (I no longer know who I am), and I feel as though I am losing control of my mind. I used to have daydreams, dreams, funny/interesting thoughts, and I used to be the life of the party, yet it all seems to be seeping away for a reason that I cannot entirely put my finger on. In actual fact, I think there could be a combination of different reasons for why this has happened, but I have no way of knowing for certain what has caused this transformation. All I can hope for is that a) It is not a permanent wound and b) I can reacclaim my confidence, my sense of worth, and most importantly, MY HAPPINESS. How does one go about doing this? Information about myself: I have always been an emotional/thoughtful person, so perhaps this is one reason for my shift in mindset. Negative "karma" and thoughts consume my mind on a daily basis: Such thoughts include "What is wrong with me?" - Could the fact that I think something is wrong with me actually cause me to have something wrong with me? (Does that even make sense?). During conversations when I think this, it turns me into a total freak - I dont say what comes naturally (because I am afraid that what I say will be somewhat dense or make no sense) and I end up forcing what I think I should say which usually ends up as a pile of jibberish or jumbled up words, which sounds slurred. At this point, I think "OMG WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?" which makes me even more anxious and unnatural. Another aspect of my life that I feel has catalysed (but may not have caused) this change was my experience at a private school here in the UK. Please accept my apologies for a grand generalisation - but the vast majority of pupils there were imperialists - always prepared to insult, laugh, and judge others. Over time, my hatred towards them infumed my brain and boiled my blood. I ended up saying almost nothing, because talking to people became utterly pointless. Not once was I invited to a party during my 5 year period at that school, primarily because nobody knew the "real me" - but rather the person who grew to despise all forms of life within my trapped, insular existence. But alas, I am out of that hell-hole, and am attending a new school with friends from my primary school (many of whom I kept in contact with throughout that 5 year period - could this have saved me from total insanity?) but am now having to face the same problems that occured whilst attending the private school. Why is this? I think the answer is quite clear - the private school I attended previously has changed my mindset. However, there are times when I switch into my original self - the person who I feel is truly me deep down, and the one that I would feel much happier being. These moments seem to be occuring less and less, and I am beginning to wonder if that facet of my personality is being lost gradually over time. Has anyone ever experienced this? Is there any advice you can give me? Thanks. I suppose my question is just a little too long for most people to read. Nonetheless, thank you for responses - I really appreciate the fact that there are others out there who can sympathise with my dilemma. I am flattered by your comment regarding my intelligence Lila, but what you see written here is not representative of my intelligence when talking to people. I find that when talking to people, the time constraint with which I am able to answer back is too narrow to form a coherent response. In other words, not many people think that I am a particularly clever person because I am never able to say anything insightful without thinking about what it is I will say. Perhaps the ability to do so comes with age and experience.

Public Comments

1. the only advice worth mentioning is go to a psychiatrist, tell him or her this story, and accept their help. throw yourswelf into the mercy of the mental health system and you will feel lots lots better. you do not deserve to feel insane. you deserve to feel at peace. you owe it to yourself to spend time, money, and energy getting well because you are worth being a part of our world. we want you well. and i need someone to hand some of these kittens off to because they will not stop running around the apartment and one just knocked over a lamp. so... get well and then GET THESE DANG KITTENS!
2. As the person above (minus her kittens) will help you very much. I have met a few in my time as a medical secretary and I found them all to be extremely nice people. So do that, get some help. It doesn't, hurt, psychiatrist don't chop off your limbs or cut out your liver, they just help you with your mind; and I know it is a different kind of worry and pain, but it is possible, very possible. I wish you well and hope you will see your GP for a referral as soon as you can, because the sooner you do, the sooner you will be treated. Best wishes to you.
3. It sounds as if your private school experience was extremely traumatic for you. It seems to be causing symptoms that are disrupting your life and the life that you want. Possibly therapy is all you need but in a situation like this it is very important to see a psychiatrist for a correct diagnosis and he can recommend the right treatment for you. No matter what those "imperialists said and did to you are very special and they took away your ability to feel that. There is help and the sooner you begin the fast your recovery will be. Also I would like to say that you are obviously an extremely intelligent teen. That is a wonderful advantage in every way. Possibly they were jealous of you. But it doesn't matter you have to repair the damage and get on with the wonderful life you are going to have.
4. This may sound twisted, but the way you put things is quiet a turn on. Also, I can relate to you very much so. I would talk to a therapist but I just end up lying to them and making up everything I say because I don't trust them. I don't think therapy would work for you either cause I can really relate. Start an online journal, make it private if you like and just write down all your thoughts. But these are somewhat escape routes. Sorry to say but I'm actually glad I can relate to someone for once. Goodluck in trying to find yourself..