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I wrote an essay and would like to know any improvments i could make on it?(its not finished)?

Oil has become an important part of the modern life. That’s why I chose to do my summer assignment on oil. I encountered my summer assignment topic, and found that there has been a conflict in the Nigerian Delta over oil. This conflict has been caused Ijaws and other tribes fighting “with each other and the federal government.” (_____________________) I chose this as my project because this conflict has not been in the news often like other conflicts such as the conflict with Israel, Lebanon, Iraq, North Korea, and Columbia. This conflict doesn’t seem to bring the media’s attention, but I think the United States should keep a closer eye on Nigeria since it is “America’s fifth largest supplier.”(____________) I chose this project to learn more on this conflict since oil is an important resource in America and through my research felt angered at the Nigerian government for their actions toward the people of Nigeria. Nigeria is in danger of being corrupt. When oil is discovered in a country that is “poor, (and) fighting over scraps,” we would think it would be the end of poverty, but not so with Nigeria. Nigeria “pulls in $14 billion a year in oil revenue.” I blame the Nigerian government for not putting an end to poverty. Nigeria’s new wealth has been taken by “politicians, in particular by the country’s military, brought to power in the country’s late 1960s civil war,” who have been robbing the country’s finance ever since. There is no reason that the people of Nigeria should be poor, because the oil has been found on their land and belongs to the people of Nigeria. The Ijaws used to be a “easygoing minority tribes, earning their living with other tribes by fishing in canoes harbored in the board delta of the Nigerian River,” but that was forty years ago. Most of the country’s production comes from the Nigerian Delta which is now causing violent outbursts. The Ijaws are now destroying pipelines, setting fire to pipelines, protesting, selling oil they steal from pipelines and even kidnapping people. The country is in total chaos. Crime and Violence has caused a “20 percent drop in Nigeria’s oil production” which meant “a shortfall of 455,000 barrels daily.” They have even stepped up their attacks on foreign oil. Even Shell announced an evacuation in February of 2006 to evacuate “an oil platform off its Atlantic coast as a precaution, shutting an additional 115,000 barrels a day.” In January, “militants held four men- from the United States, Britain, Bulgaria, and Honduras for 19 days before releasing them unharmed.” Tribes like the Ijaws, that were once peaceful are now armed and have been fighting for years claiming to be fighting “for better distribution of the country’s wealth.” I was shocked when I found out that even militants who claim to be fighting and representing the people of Nigeria have actually “evolved into criminal gangs, adept at stealing huge amounts of oil to sell on black markets, the proceeds of which are used to buy ever more sophisticated weapons.” Even though the United States is not involved in the conflict, this conflict does affect the United States. Nigeria is the fifth largest supplier of oil “to the United States, after Mexico, Venezuela, Canada, and Saudi Arabia.” Almost half of Nigeria’s oil is sent to the United States. Nigerian oil is prized by refiners because “it is of a light, sweet variety that is easier and cheaper to refine that the thicker and sulfur-rich kind that comes from the Middle East and Venezuela.” Nigeria determines the price of oil in the United States. The United should keep a closer eye on Nigeria if they want to oil prices in America to go down. Nigeria has played an important role Africa and “is crucial to all of West Africa, having provided the military troops and negotiating forums to quell civil war and related violence in neighboring countries. “ Nigeria has also helped on fighting terrorism by trying to “monitor and defuse an encroaching fundamentalism among its own Muslims.” Several American companies haves stakes in Nigeria such as “Mobil, Chevron Texaco and Halliburton.” In my opinion the United States is not doing anything to stop oil from rising. I believe the United States should be more involved with the conflict in Nigeria.

Public Comments

1. this sucks like hell dood...(im sorry to say) rewrite it and im offended because there are Koreans involved
2. Well first off there are way to many I's and "I Believes", get a thesaurus. The paragraphs should be at least 5 sentences. Yours are just way to repetitive. In my honest opinion, get a new topic. You dont do this one anywhere near justice. Sorry. Email me if you get it fixed
3. http://goldenessays.com/ ... trust me dude, it'll help you out.
4. It reads a little stiff but aside from that its pretty good, you should get a decent grade. If you want to relax the tone a little bit write it like you were writing to a friend. Maybe start out by saying somethng about the high cost of gas and why this conflict also plays a factor in it. "Are the gas prices making you want to exchange your car for a bicycle? Do you know why the gas prices seem to jump from $2.75 one hour and then up to $3.00 at the same station? Is it just price wars or is there more to it than that? There's a war going on over seas. I am not talking about the one that we are always hearing about in the news, Lebanon and Iraq.. I am talking about the conflicts going on in the Nigerian Delta. This little known part of the world is our nations fifth largest supplier of oil.." Anyway, thats just an idea of an approach you might want to take. Feel free to use any or all of it or skip it and keep the essay the way you have it. Good luck to you!! Be sure to proof read your spelling before you print your paper out! Some times our letters get changed around and we don't see it til its too late!
5. Um...it's okay, but....I don't really know what to expect because I don't know what grade are you in..
6. i have made a few changes,if you do not mind Oil has become an important part of the modern life. That is why I chose to do my summer assignment on oil. I encountered my summer assignment topic, and found that there has been a conflict in the Nigerian Delta over oil. Ijaws and other tribes fighting “with each other and the federal government” have caused this conflict. (_____________________) I chose this as my project because this conflict has not been in the news often like other conflicts such as the conflict with Israel, Lebanon, Iraq, North Korea, and Columbia. This conflict does not seem to bring the media’s attention, but I think the United States should keep a closer eye on Nigeria since it is “America’s fifth largest supplier.”(____________) I chose this project to learn more on this conflict since oil is an important resource in America. Through my research, I felt angered at the Nigerian government for their actions toward the people of Nigeria. Nigeria is in danger of becoming corrupt. When a country that is, “poor, (and) fighting over scraps discovers oil,” we would think it would be the end of poverty, but not so with Nigeria. Nigeria “pulls in $14 billion a year in oil revenue.” I blame the Nigerian government for not putting an end to poverty. Nigeria’s new wealth has been taken by “politicians, in particular by the country’s military, brought to power in the country’s late 1960s civil war,” who have been robbing the country’s finance ever since. There is no reason that the people of Nigeria should be poor, because they have found oil on their land and the oil belongs to them. The Ijaws used to be an “easygoing minority tribe, earning their living with other tribes by fishing in canoes harbored in the board delta of the Nigerian River,” but that was forty years ago. Most of the country’s production comes from the Nigerian Delta, which is now causing violent outbursts. The I jaws are now destroying pipelines, setting fire to pipelines, protesting, selling oil they steal from pipelines and even kidnapping people. The country is in total chaos. Crime and Violence has caused a “20 percent drop in Nigeria’s oil production” which means “a shortfall of 455,000 barrels daily.” They have even stepped up their attacks on foreign oil. Even Shell announced an evacuation in February of 2006 to evacuate “an oil platform off its Atlantic coast as a precaution, shutting an additional 115,000 barrels a day.” In January, “militants held four men- from the United States, Britain, Bulgaria, and Honduras for 19 days before releasing them unharmed.” Tribes like the Ijaws, that were once peaceful are now armed and have been fighting for years claiming to be fighting “for better distribution of the country’s wealth.” I was shocked when I found out that even militants who claim to be fighting and representing the people of Nigeria have actually, “evolved into criminal gangs, adept at stealing huge amounts of oil to sell in black markets, the proceeds of which are used to buy ever more sophisticated weapons.” Even though the United States is not involved in the conflict, this conflict does affect the United States. Nigeria is the fifth largest supplier of oil “to the United States, after Mexico, Venezuela, Canada, and Saudi Arabia.” Almost half of Nigeria’s oil is sent to the United States. Refiners prize Nigerian oil because “it is of a light, sweet variety that is easier and cheaper to refine than the thicker and sulfur-rich kind that comes from the Middle East and Venezuela.” Nigeria determines the price of oil in the United States. The United should keep a closer eye on Nigeria if they want oil prices in America to go down. Nigeria has played an important role in Africa and “is crucial to all of West Africa, having provided the military troops and negotiating forums to quell civil war and related violence in neighboring countries. “ Nigeria has also helped in fighting terrorism by trying to “monitor and defuse an encroaching fundamentalism among its own Muslims.” Several American companies haves stakes in Nigeria such as “Mobil, Chevron Texaco and Halliburton.” In my opinion, the United States is not doing anything to stop oil prices from rising. I believe the United States should be more involved with the conflict in Nigeria.